Remodel hell wreaking havoc on your marriage?
This week’s Surreal Estate column in the Chron introduces us to a therapist that specializes in home remodeling mayhem. “…Rachel Cox, a marriage-and-family therapist based in Palo Alto, takes the potentially destructive power of home construction quite seriously. For the past two years, she has expanded her general practice to include a specialty in dealing with the strife that often erupts from remodeling. That’s right: a shrink treating the sufferers of home expansion.”
“Typically, Cox works with couples (and occasionally business partners) whose orderly worlds have been shattered not only by the wrecking ball but by opposing perspectives on the remodel.”
“They’re overwhelmed and one or other of them is in a crisis,” she says of her clientele. “These are people for whom money does matter — it’s not like they can spend endlessly.”
“For people about to embark on the process she has plenty of general advice. Get used to spending big money. Move out of the house if at all possible. If you must stay in the house, take vacations to get away from the fumes and reconnect with your family. Determine in advance each person’s responsibilities. Visit the jobsite when no workers are around so that you can imagine yourself living there and thus make decisions that actually matter to your lives, rather than go along with whatever the contractor or architect is telling you.”
Remodeling can even develop into an addiction of sorts, says Cox. For these people the process may be more of a tool for avoiding their children or their spouses. “It’s not always healthy,” she says. “There are some people who can’t wait to start again. They want to sell the home and buy a fixer. Even though the process was hell, they just can’t stop.”
