How Not to Sell your House
In getting ready to head out for my work day, holding an open house is in the mix, I find myself still amused by this list one of my friends in the business compiled regarding what NOT to do when selling your home.
I have to admit to having more than a few ‘stranger than fiction’ moments over the years myself. Showing up to do a pre-arranged photo shoot in a very high-end condo only to be left with the aftermath of last nights escapades in the bedroom. The photographer began in the living room while I did triage in the bedroom, all the while appreciating a new-found respect for Las Vegas housekeepers. Or the time I innocently opened a top drawer in a kitchen looking for a pen only to find my very conservative clients were into bondage – or they had a really good supply of gag gifts – I never found out which.
So without further ado feel free to enjoy, add to, and even more so heed the advice contained herein if you are planning on or currently selling your home.
1. Don’t think we can’t smell your pets. I’ve walked into homes where the first thing I thought was, “Cat.” Then I go into the bathroom and think, “Oh man! So Cat!” And then, in the tub behind the shower curtain, (always) is the kitty litter box. Pet odor is also a substantial liability: I’ve heard that buyers sue over cat pee more than anything else.
2. Don’t cook a big Indian meal right before your open house. Or eggs and bacon. Or something with lots of garlic.
3. Don’t think people won’t open your drawers. I was at an open house once where I opened a drawer in a television cabinet and found it loaded with porn videos. I was terribly embarrassed, and walked around the rest of the time with my arms plastered to my sides.
4. Don’t leave your furniture arranged as it is so people can see how much you can fit into a room. When I’m in a hurry touring property on a Tuesday, I don’t want to run an obstacle course around your stuff. When our Sellers need to remain in the home during the marketing period, we usually recommend putting half their furniture and accessories in storage.
5. Don’t leave all your very favorite art up on the walls. I showed a home once where the entire living room wall was covered with snapshots of male body parts. It was highly entertaining, but a day later I couldn’t remember anything else about the house.
4. Don’t leave a joint and roach clip on your bedside table. This is another house where I remember hardly anything except that the guy’s bed had a great sunset view of Twin Peaks.
6. Don’t play your favorite Madonna music on a boom box in the kitchen. Some people might think this gives their house a cool aesthetic, but I’d go for something a little more neutral, like classical. Boring, I know, but very safe.
7. Don’t make sure everyone knows your cultural and political preferences. You may love your Obama poster. I may love your Obama poster. But we’re trying to appeal to the masses here, and you don’t want your place to be remembered by a Republican as the ‘Obama Poster House.’
How Not to Sell your House [SF Real Estate Buzz]
I still remember the cute little Edwardian house we saw in the Mission that had *very* explicit and unusual erotica on the bedroom walls and an wide assortment of eye-bolts in the ceiling beams. I spent the rest of the afternoon questioning just how tolerant I actually am.
On the flip-side, the house we now call home was a great bargain for us because of the cat-pee smell. During the open house, I watched group after group of people walk in, wrinkle up their noses, and turn right around and leave.
There was a great house in there, hidden under the nasty clutter and pee-soaked carpets. Our friends can’t believe it’s the same house when we show them the listing photos.
Anita (Married... with dinner) at March 16th, 2009 at 6:35 pm ( )Great story – and so so true. What you described is the number one the best way to get a great price in any market. Being able to spot what can easily and quickly be fixed for not that much money. I love bad paint decisions for that reason as well.
You reminded me of a loft in Soma where the lower floor was built out for a dominatrix. I distinctly remember being glad it wasn’t my listing. The listing agent, not being able to get around the reality, included in his marketing material ‘dungeon included’.
Meredith Martin at March 16th, 2009 at 7:18 pm ( )